Started school about three or four days ago. Nothing much has changed except there's no Brad, no Mel or Katie, Jess Higgins (Writing her last name so I don't forget who she is, lol) The old groups I had created in my classes - whether it be my maths n science buddies or me aimee and nat in the extension classes - have completely changed. Most of it anyway. I know less people in them. It's so awkward. Mind you I'm deciding on some new changes this year as I plan to try as hard as I can to do as much as I can, whether it be homework or in class. But I'll never loose sight of my mission statement : Friends come first, school can be repeated, friendships sometimes can't.
Why do I feel like I'm being avoided??
I guess once you get a taste of the spotlight so many times, it doesnt feel right when you suddenly get shoved out and stuffed in a dark corner where people occasionaly look at you by accident and you make new friends with the dust balls that collect on your hair. Okay, so maybe I'm being a little too dramatic.
Last year I was like, the funniest one, the friendliest one, the one whom was always so nice to everyone yet so totally crazy! No one looked me down and I was respected. I could walk up to anyone in our group and start a conversation about anything! Boredom was just not a thing that happened. I tried my hardest to make people happy, even if I was upset. This year everyone is just too different. Little groups have formed and people hate eachother. I don't know what sides to take, so I'm taking none. (Yet in a few months to come that could be my downfall most likely) I just want people to laugh at my jokes again, think something is only funny if I say it or I'm fun to be around. Do I sound stuck-up and selfish yet? Sorry.
We all have our own little special qualities and we each have things we do, say and act like that make us so special. Jacqui makes me laugh with everything she does and she's so rebellious with all the teachers, Chrissy is the sweetest girl and if she wants to say something - to damn with the consequences! - she'll say it! Nikki makes me smile, she's just always happy and always in control, I love the way she makes me feel happy to have her as a friend (Cos in first term I was trying hard to make her my friend cos she was so cool, lol!) Candice and Naomi - my god - where do I start! I can be myself around them all the time, they are just so awesome and they aallwaaayss make me laugh (and I make them laugh which is a bonus!) They have these funny one liners that they say and it just makes my sides split man! Craig is one of my best friends, always will be, I can tell him anything. (Like Xander and Buffy...lol...sorry, I love that show) Aimee, she is such an awesome mate. I connect with her on so many levels - we both like Buffy, we both love writing and we know how to make a boring lesson fun (Even Sae...) She's leaving this year, I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I know I'll be devestated, so I just try not to think about it. See? Now I'm crying...
So, what's my point here?
I love my friends. I love them so much that if they left me, I wouldnt make it through highschool - damn, through life even! - they've shaped everything I am and everything I'm going to be. I might not always cry when people leave but I just want to make everyone else feel like it's all going to work out. Trust me, I bawl my eyes out at home.
I love you all, please don't leave me.
